It’s Almost Christmas!!

December 10, 2008
Santa says, Bring It Foo!

Santa says, "Bring It Foo!"

Not only is it almost Christmas, but it is also the end of the 9 weeks and the semester as well.  That means that most of you should be finishing up your Webquests and studying for your mid-term tests!  Ha Ha Ha …er …should I say, Ho Ho Ho !  If I don’t get the chance, I want to wish all of your families a Merry Christmas! 

 
The students have all worked very hard to get their Webquests and the the 7th and 8th grade classes have been working diligently on their Historical Super Hero Challenge (HSHC) !  I have sent my evaluations to Boise State University so that the professors can see if I can properly lead, teach and evaluate my students. ( Don’t worry the names have been changed tro protect the innocent)  The 7th and 8th graders work will probably appear on the BGBS website around Christmas, or as soon as I can get the projects on there.
 
Anyway, I hope I can get a couple more Blog posts into this place before I drink too much egg nog (with my secret Whamo – Powder!)
 
God Bless and Merry Christmas!
 
Mr. Ellis

The Most Incredible Neewollah Oz Fest Story Ever! The Tale of Timmy Farber

October 26, 2008

Every year, at about this time, I am forced to tell stories of suspense that will curl your toes and make you cringe with fear.  No I’m not talking about Mr. Ritchey’s office or even the strange odor that emanates from there…. sometimes.

I’m talking about stories that occur during the bizarre ritual called Newollah Oz Fest!!!  You see, Blue Grass Baptist School isn’t just your average run of the mill school, it is a renowned institution, steeped in balone….er….ah tradition, (yeah, that’s it; tradition).

Once again, at this time, I reach into the archives of fascinating Ellis lore and pull out a story that is so incredible, a 7th grader wouldn’t even believe it.  But, as I am such an honored and sacred person at BGBS, I am bound by my holy duty to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

So, here is the story of Timmy Farber a young lad on a collision course with fate.

This story dates back a little bit before Mr. Bowles started teaching at the school, approximately 1869, right after the Civil War was over and BGBS had just been reconstructed.  As a matter of fact, Mr. Bowles had just hung up his uniform after serving in the Union army as an elder.  So, if you do the math, you can probably figure out what his age is. (Hint: Just keep squaring numbers and adding zeros.)

But I digress.  It was October, although nobody can remember exactly what day it was, except that it was a school day.  Back in those days, kids had to use a thing called an outhouse.  Just to give you some history on how an outhouse worked, it was a small shack that was outside the main school building, that you went into to confess your sins.  You would sit in there on this little seat and tell God or whoever was hiding behind the shack, what stupid things you did that week.  For example, if you were looking at orthopedic socks in a catalog, or stuck crayons up your nose in an effort to make a girl gag with revulsion, then that’s what you would confess.

Right after that, you would happily skip out the door of the outhouse thinking that all was right with the world, but usually your parents would be waiting for you.  Most of the time, they would beat the living tar out of you and you felt really awkward sitting down for awhile.  Your classmates would typically point and laugh too, but other than that, it was an enriching experience.

The room that we currently use for teaching history was exactly in the same location.  Actually, nothing

BGBS The Good Ole days

BGBS The Good Ole' days

much has changed except the paint.  It was sometime in the afternoon when the event occurred.  The teacher at this particular time, was a guy by the name of Art Vandalay.  Mr. Vandalay was actually a pretty bad teacher.  He really never pushed his students to heights of academic glory the way a certain, current teacher does.  For example, he gave his students study guides.  Yeah, study guides!  Where did he get off doing something stupid like that ?  He didn’t give any homework, but gave the students time to do their work in class.  What a first class jerk!  No wonder his students wound up working at McDonalds.

The most blasphemous thing that he did though, was he gave his students all kinds of junk to eat.  It wasn’t uncommon for him to bring in donuts, (however, many of his students did go into the police force) cookies and even candy.  By the end of the school year most of his students resembled a herd of walruses.  (or, is it walari?)  I mean we’re talking huge.  Most of the students were so portly they had to wear a watch on each arm because they covered two time zones.  I’m talking huge here.

Anyway, Mr. Vandaly knew that Neewollah Oz Fest was quickly approaching so he brought in his usual daily dose of sweets for his students.  Now, on the far left row, second from the front as you face the white board, ( yes, they had those back in those days) is where a kid by the name of Timmy Farber sat.  Timmy Farber had an ambition to be a championship eater.  As a matter of fact, he would practice all of the time which is why his friends would never sit next to him at lunch.  Plus, the fact that he was starting to get pretty huge.  Man, he actually had more chins than China Town.

Just to give you an example of his eating capacity, Timmy Farber inhaled 37 hot dogs in under 3 minutes once, during a school picnic.  Everyone knew from that point on, not to let him be the first person in the buffet line.   It was an incredible spectacle as well, that had almost an obscene quality to it.  You see, it wasn’t enough that he could out-eat every one in the known universe.  No, that wasn’t good enough.  The problem with with Timmy Farber was that he thought he had to cram everything into his gigantic gob all at once.

Yeah, he pretty much stuffed all 37 hot dogs into his mouth at once and then began to masticate his food with such a frenzy that the shark from the movie Jaws wanted his autograph.  Timmy’s eyes would roll up and he had this sort of a grunting sound as he wiggled and moved his arms in a John Travolta fashion.  Most people noted, that the one fascinating caveat of watching Timmy Farber eat was the way his nostrils would swell to the point that you could stuff your fist in there.  Not that anyone tried to do that, because that would be too weird.

Well to get to the meat of the story, (no pun intended) on this particular day in October, just a few days from Neewollah Oz Fest, Mr. Vandalay had brought in an entire bag of Snickers candy bars to hand out to his class.  During the war between the states, the Union had developed the Snickers bars in an effort to keep their war elephants calmed down during battle.  It is just one of those strange parts of US history that you don’t hear much about, but it happened and don’t forget, I’m always right.

Anyway, Mr. Vandalay went down to the outhouse to confess his sins and he realized that if he did not hurry back to class, he would be late.  He had left the Snickers bars out on his desk and he wanted them to be a surprise for the class.  However, by the time he made it to the class he found all of his students were standing around in a tight huddle looking down.  On the floor lie Timmy Farber.

Yes, you guessed it.  Timmy was the first one into the class and when he saw the Snickers candy bars, in their beautifully wrapped packages, the overwhelming aroma permeating the air, he just couldn’t resist.  All 22 Snickers bars were wedged into his mouth like Baptists at a convention.  His eyes bulged out and his nostrils flared bigger than ever.  His bulging cheeks looked like they were going to explode while his arms and legs stuck straight out.  Sadly, as the Fayette County coroner’s office would later report,  Timmy Farber, the young boy that inspired so many to eat and set records for consumption, had Snickered himself to death.

This is not the end of the story by any means.  Every year in the history class room someone either hears the voice of Timmy Farber or sees an aparition of him eating his beloved treats. Students at BGBS have either smelled Snickers bars or found discarded wrappers in their desks and many students have fainted with fear whenever they found their own names smeared onto their desks in chocolate.

However, one question floats through the air like a pea-nutty aroma emanating from Timmy’s former bloated lips.  If you find a bag of Snickers bars in the history classroom, will you make the same grotesque error and join our ghastly guest or will you just eat one?  Hmmmm?

Happy Neewollah Oz Fest

Mr. Ellis

Introducing Your Favorite Teacher, Mr. Ellis

October 25, 2007

The Ellis

I decided to post something about myself because I am so well loved by all of you. I often gaze at myself in the mirror and admire the man I have become. It is not easy being so handsome either, I want you to know. People like Tom Cruise call me up at all hours of the night begging me for beauty secrets. I tell him it’s all in the attitude and confidence that you display, however it does help having natural, God given features.

But, enough about my sheer, breath taking good looks, I’m sure all of you little people out there want to know more about me.

Comic Books

The most important thing to know about me is I love comic books. When I was a kid, my favorite comic book artist was Jack Kirby. Jack Kirby was a Jewish man that has gone down in history as being the “king” of comics. As a matter of fact Jack was often called Jack “King” Kirby and signed his name that way because it was his nickname in the comics world. The reason he was so popular, is because he could draw about 10 comics a month. Ever hear of The Hulk? How about Thor? X-Men, Captain America, fantastic 4, The Avengers, Iron Man? Jack along with writer and editor Stan Lee created them all!

Not only that be he was the most awesome artist ever!!!

Silver Surfer

Kirby was amazing! Not only did he churn out about 10 different comics a month, but he also had incredible drawing talent and style. One of the things Jack did was he introduced the two page splash. Usually about the second and third pages, he would have an entire two pages of artwork that was connected into one big piece of art!!!

This is an example of two page art by Jack Kirby. This is from one of the comics he did for DC comics that he wrote and drew.

Kamandi

Sadly, Jack Kirby died in 1994 at the age of 77.  Even though most people have seen many of the characters that Kirby created, they know nothing about him.   Not only did he create a lot of incredible characters, but he inspired so many people that his influence can be felt everywhere in comics, stories and especially movies.  (If you don’t believe me compare Jack’s most famous villan, Dr. Doom to Lucas’s Darth Vader.)

Anyway, you can learn more about Jack Kirby here: JACK KIRBY  

Or you can see some of Kirby’s great art work here: Kirby Museum

My next Blog post about me is so wonderful and fascinating you would be crazy to miss it!

 Get it on!!! 

Lincoln’s Ghost the Newollah Oz Fest Story That Parents Tried to Ban!!!

October 24, 2007

Here’s an historical (or hysterical, depending on how you look at it) ghost story for you. Since it is almost Newollah Oz Fest I thought I would impart my vast plethora of historical data at you.

I t seems that for a very long time, people that stay at the White House have seen the Ghost of Lincoln.  Here is an article that I think you’ll enjoy:

lincoln’s ghostThere have been several stories about ghosts of former Presidents revisiting the White House. However, the most common and popular[citation needed] is that of Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln’s Ghost, or to others as The White House Ghost, is said to have haunted the White House since his death. It is widely believed that Lincoln might have known that he would die before his assassination when he was president.

In one story, Lincoln had a dream[citation needed] that he heard wailing noises. He tried to find the noise, but couldn’t. Lincoln then checked the East Room. There, he saw several people, who didn’t pay any attention to Lincoln, around a corpse. He grabbed one sleeve of a soldier and asked who is dead. The soldier, replied sadly, “The president is dead.” Disturbed by the dream, Lincoln told his friends and wife, Mary Todd, about it. Then, the tragic happened. Lincoln was shot in the back of the head by well-known actor and Confederate spy, John Wilkes Booth.

One explanation for the haunting is that Lincoln felt cheated out of his second term so he decides to stay a lot longer. The ghost has reportedly been seen elsewhere. Witnesses have seen Lincoln on the balcony of Ford’s Theatre with the ghost of the man who shot him, John Wilkes Booth. It have been said that they are trying to solve their differences.

Since staying at the White House after his death, it is rumor that he is actually staying in his wife’s room.

Check Out This Roman Ballista

October 24, 2007

Those of us interested in Greek and roman weaponry might find this video very interesting. It is a Roman Ballista just like the one I talked about in history class. You may remember seeing these in the opening scenes of the Ridley Scott film, Gladiator. Here is a recent Ballista project by some history students. Enjoy!

Question of the week from The Ellis!

October 24, 2007

Who is this man?  The first student that comes to me with the answer gets a free prize!!!

Who is this?

The Ellis Lives!

October 24, 2007

Twilight zoneI finally got my blog up and running. I just want to make sure that all of my slaves……er…students can keep up with all of the exciting news concerning me. Yes, I know all of you love and think about me constantly, I’m sure if they decided to make a magazine about me (I think it would be called “The Great One” or something like that.) that all of my wonderful salv…er students would run out and buy several copies.

We are quickly coming up to our annual holiday the Newollah Oz Fest ! This holiday originated with the 7th grade class of 2001 and celebrates the joy of being in Mr. Ellis’s donut class. By the way, if you are starting to get a little chubby don’t blame me. I only brought the luscious and wonderful chocolate covered goodies to class to see if you really would eat them. I had no intention of feeding them to you. Go sue McDonald’s. They intended to sell you those hamburgers, fries and higher health insurance costs.

The Agenda

This Friday we have a test (Oct. 26, 2007). You all should have donut stained study guides by now. The pages of the guide should have sweat stains and be all crumpled up because you have been sleeping and eating and working over these notes for the last 2 weeks.

No quiz this week. Why? Because I love you.

11th and 8th Grade Classes will be looking at the War of 1812 this week and the 7th and 10th grades will be exploring the Roman VS Carthage Wrestling Extravaganza of all time called The Punic Wars!!!!

Well, that’s all for now. Don’t forget to leave your questions and comments.

Get it on!!!!